All you ever wanted to know about eggs, and then some

Chickens are arguably the most abused animals in the agricultural business. Currently the Humane Society of the United States is trying to ban the use of battery wire cages, which give hens less space than a single sheet of letter-size paper. Confined their whole lives in these cages, the hens can't spread their wings, dust clean themselves, nest, forage or perch, all of which are the natural behaviors of these birds. California passed Prop 2 (the Prevention of Farm Animal Cruelty Act) with an overwhelming 63% in 2008, which outlaws the use of battery cages for chickens, gestation crates for pigs, and veal crates for calves.

If you grocery shop for yourself or your family then you know what I'm talking about when I refer to the four frillion different labels on egg cartons. Organic, Cage-free, Free-Range, Hormone & Antibiotic-Free, on and on and on. But what do those labels really mean? And why is it important to know the difference?

Let me start by answering the latter question. It is important to know the difference, for instance, between Cage-Free and Free-Range; a significant distinction is that Cage-Free hens are kept in barns or warehouses without access to the outdoors, while Free-Range hens are also kept in barns or warehouses, but have some access to the outdoors. However, neither has third-party auditing to make sure guidelines are being followed. The smallest word variation can mean quite a difference in the lives of the hens who supply your eggs.

From the perspective of animal welfare, none of the labels, save one, is 100% hen-friendly. Animal Welfare Approved eggs ensure that chickens are not kept in cages at all, are allowed unfettered access to the outdoors, and forced molting (by starvation) as well as beak cutting is prohibited. Unfortunately, as of yet there are no producers who sell Animal Welfare Approved eggs to grocery stores.

A complete list of what those confusing labels actually mean can be found here. You might be surprised at what you discover about the origins of your favorite breakfast food.

Now the United Egg Producers (UEP), our nations largest trade organization for eggs, has put out cartoons depicting chickens wishing they'd never been taken out of their cages to try and make kids think that a caged lifestyle is preferable to a free one. And since I can't get my computer to cooperate, you can see the cartoons here. Please go look. They will infuriate you.

It seems the battle to end animal cruelty is constant and always uphill. But we carry on because otherwise millions of animals each year continue to live, suffer, and die in horrible conditions. And honestly? They deserve better than that.

Should the military use animals in training medics?

New videos have surfaced depicting the use of monkeys and goats in military medical training. Acquired by the Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine, now the videos are causing controversy about whether the military is violating its own regulations regarding animal welfare.

Similar to the question about whether using live animals for vet school training is ethical, the debate is strong over whether using live animals in medical training in the military is acceptable. Some say it's essential and invaluable; others argue that it's a poor substitute for actual human experience and that it's inhumane treatment of the animals. In the CNN article I link to above, one doctor argues that no animal has ever died from their experiments so it's okay to conduct them. But I ask this: how much do they suffer? How often are they allowed to recover only to be used again in some other test? What kind of life is that?

While I have the utmost respect for our service men and women and want to ensure their health and safety out in the field, I don't believe that testing nerve agents on monkeys or learning how to put a chest tube in a goat is particularly pertinent practice for military medics. Animal anatomy - even monkey anatomy - is pretty different from human anatomy. How a monkey reacts to the nerve agent might be totally different from how a human would react; I can't imagine the chest of a goat is so similar to a human that it would be devastating to a person's education to miss that day in medical school.

I believe that military medics should do rounds with doctors in hospitals, in trauma centers, where they will have the opportunity to experience real human medical problems and crises and will learn how to deal with them. I imagine this next suggestion might be considered too resource-consuming or impractical, but perhaps medics-in-training might be assigned to an active-duty medic and follow him or her on a tour in order to get some hands-on experience.

Not only am I an advocate for animal welfare and the humane treatment of animals, I also want our military medical staff to receive the best training possible. I do not think that the best training available requires animal involvement. Find another way, a better way, not only for the animals, but because using them just isn't a good substitute for the real thing.

Chicago is a rock star!

Not to toot my own horn or anything, but MY CITY is doing some amazing stuff with animal welfare.

A study went underway in May here in Chicago that, when complete, should give some concrete information about what the problems associated with homeless or at-risk pets, what neighborhoods in the city are most at-risk for animal abuse and neglect, how much companion animal issues cost the city. Because it's the first study of its kind, it is unclear what type or how much information will actually be useful, but researchers are collecting as much information as they can. The study will conclude by the end of this year with a report to the Chicago city council on its findings. More on the study as news unfolds.

*****

In other happy and Huzzah Chicago! news, a bill that would mandate a cross-reference of animal and child abuse has passed both houses of the Illinois legislature and is now awaiting Gov. Pat Quinn's signature to be signed into law. This bill could be instrumental in decreasing violence toward children and animals Chicago.

Basically, when a call of child abuse comes in, officers will be required to check to make sure that the same family has not also had reports of animal abuse, and vice versa. It is well documented that there is a significant connection between animal abuse and child abuse. In approximately 9 out of 10 households where children were abused, a 1983 study found that animals were also abused.

I'd like to encourage all you folks in the Chicagoland area to contact Gov. Quinn and ask him (nicely and respectfully 'cause we're all good people around these parts) to please sign this bill into law. And also give yourself a pat on the back, 'cause your town is the shit.

All I want for Christmas

Go watch this video of Kingsford the piglet.

AWWWWWW. My heart feels all squishy looking at this. He's even litter-box trained!